Goofy title, but I really am on a serious note.
I question if years ago before I went insane and went to the hospital, that I may be having past info that is somehow storylined to the present. I really do not know what to make of some people sometimes.
I have some doubts if anything is being directed at me at all. The girl who played the leading role as the lover reminded me moreso of Lindsay Lohan. To put my personal soap to the side for now; the ending made me cry anyway.
The movie had its own interesting things about it.
I think there were a few hints to pick up on. Sometimes with info, it chaotically feels like a scavenger hunt. The love story was sad and it was even more sad at the ending at where his body and condition really was and how the movie ended in entirety. I didn't get the sci fi of it all in the afterlife. If he wanted to be a hero and save the train how is it possible that he is supposedly surviving among what is supposed to be real life survivors? I just didn't get how reality and fantasy and military mission all concluded itself? It was so sad though.
I was surprised to see on the weekend that there was hardly anybody there. Maybe there is a Romania strike, or maybe the movie was deceptively sold out because I could be a danger to the public and I am top secret information. lol. Oh it never makes sense to laugh anymore with the world I live in with my personal anger and insanity.
Back to the soap opera. I remain confused with the Burmuda of it all. One hint of Jared being a jumper and giving me a very short and brief piece of info about some drama before I saw the movie, is something I'm going to be quiet about because I really don't know enough. No details.
I know how bad it looks on me to doubt love, but I'm not one who has ever been very good at playing naive. I just don't. There are times that I don't want to know and just appreciate whatever time I have. There are other times that I don't mind at all to know and I would rather live through drama and heartache than to live through a lie or deceptive and fake relationship. I think the reason I am single is because of my hate of the game. Relationships just aren't ABC to me. I try anyway.
I still care about Dane. I'm still confused in his Burmuda.
I still care about Jared too. His Hurricane is undeniably intense and serious. He could be a rep of someone random and be on a total different page in a total different world with the song. But, I would doubt he would have such a serious lie like that out there were there is a hard directive of where I feel I'm definitely being looked at. I've picked up on other signals. He really isn't in my life much. He is busy on the road and doing his shows. It isn't that I don't care about Jared. I see it as a big deal that he would make that song. I'm always paranoid that I may be among other competition who feels the same way I do. Could be another multiple texter.
I can't deny Dane either. While he isn't physically in my life either, he seems he has been around longer but not always on a clear level. I've already written blogs and letters to him. At the days end; I don't have a lot of other things to say.
I said I would try to follow Jared and pay attention to him but he seems too busy for me.
I also told Dane that it feels like a confusing Burmuda with him as well but has more command and control.
It would be a loss and sad pain to have to lose either of them.
I feel more accountable (I wish I could figure out a better word) to Dane than Jared. I feel closer
I make no serious commitments.
I have Serious: feelings thoughts comments
Nothing written in stone or cemented.
Saturday, April 2, 2011
Wednesday, March 30, 2011
Dear Megan
Dear Megan,
For the sake of communication. It really is hard to admit that you may be the closest person to my sanity. To share an inspirational rock group that you may already know about is: Metric. In some systems and perspectives of others, people connect me and percieve me as you anyway. I claim myself as my snowflake.
Whether you consider me robotic or natural is not something that I have a life's mission to prove my nature to you.
My perspective is moreso directed at a relational perpective of the movie "The Matrix."
Therefore, my enemies description would be along the lines of:
Extremists
Athiests
Politics concerning capitalism, economy, socialism, and communism
Communists
Nazi's
So, it isn't necessarily robots I am up against. There is still some humanity in people who are percieved as robots. People who are either conservative or walled are probably labeled as robots in your world. It really is not fair to them or I to have to suffer from your judgement. This is not Italy or a largely conformed culture of Rome. If I want to have secrets, walls, preservation, or conservation it is my right to have that. It is also my right to have free will whether it is seen as being natural in your eyes or not.
Because of capitalism and communism, my love for numbers of men has been destroyed and ruined time after time because of the ability people have to overpower me. I'm fed up with it. I'm fed up with how it has ruined platonic, associative, friendly nuetral relationships as well. Calling the shots is important to me. You might be aware of that by now and may choose to be a dictating sadist anyway because of the reality of real control you have.
I still deny that I am your slave.
You have no ownership of me whatsoever even if the rest of the world gets away with it.
I do have a love for Dane. In my snowflake world that love is for him. It is not in my control that capitalism or whatever extremism has blenderized the names of you together. I deny any suggestion of orgy. I deny any romantic feelings for you.
I claim I am a snowflake.
From
Sarah
For the sake of communication. It really is hard to admit that you may be the closest person to my sanity. To share an inspirational rock group that you may already know about is: Metric. In some systems and perspectives of others, people connect me and percieve me as you anyway. I claim myself as my snowflake.
Whether you consider me robotic or natural is not something that I have a life's mission to prove my nature to you.
My perspective is moreso directed at a relational perpective of the movie "The Matrix."
Therefore, my enemies description would be along the lines of:
Extremists
Athiests
Politics concerning capitalism, economy, socialism, and communism
Communists
Nazi's
So, it isn't necessarily robots I am up against. There is still some humanity in people who are percieved as robots. People who are either conservative or walled are probably labeled as robots in your world. It really is not fair to them or I to have to suffer from your judgement. This is not Italy or a largely conformed culture of Rome. If I want to have secrets, walls, preservation, or conservation it is my right to have that. It is also my right to have free will whether it is seen as being natural in your eyes or not.
Because of capitalism and communism, my love for numbers of men has been destroyed and ruined time after time because of the ability people have to overpower me. I'm fed up with it. I'm fed up with how it has ruined platonic, associative, friendly nuetral relationships as well. Calling the shots is important to me. You might be aware of that by now and may choose to be a dictating sadist anyway because of the reality of real control you have.
I still deny that I am your slave.
You have no ownership of me whatsoever even if the rest of the world gets away with it.
I do have a love for Dane. In my snowflake world that love is for him. It is not in my control that capitalism or whatever extremism has blenderized the names of you together. I deny any suggestion of orgy. I deny any romantic feelings for you.
I claim I am a snowflake.
From
Sarah
Friday, March 4, 2011
Dear Dane
I hope you're doing all right today. Today is a good day for me to be an emo. Sometimes, I take notes of other people's B.S. routines and rituals. I don't know if you feel victimized or not. I don't know if you like some kinds of sexual victimizations and with other people, I really don't want to know.
Anyway, I'm making efforts in my helplessness. I'm going to take care of some student loan paperwork today to get either forbearances or or fill out an economic hardship form. I'm also filing bankruptcy toward the middle of the month. You really confuse me sometimes, so I don't always know where you stand.
Right now, my opposition feels like people who are both hardcore atheists and hardcore against conservatives. If any shit goes down, these same people are most likely to cry and bitch and point the finger at homicidal behavior. I can't help but be angry at some pigs who fail to see their own severe inhumanity that would do whatever they could to stay in charge.
It's another emo day for me. This emo ness is not really about Mo or sexual harassment towards me with Beatiality. It is about the overall relentlesness of people wanting me to call them God or for me to commit suicide. I think if some people were asked, they'd say, "You know, because I can, I would rape and harass you anytime I want. Yes, I think I deserve to live like a pig because I simply can."
Yes, I'm still the same cheesy musical and maybe even obnoxious guru.
There is a James Blunt song I like but can't find now
Another one I like is actually an optimistic emo song
Anyway, I'm making efforts in my helplessness. I'm going to take care of some student loan paperwork today to get either forbearances or or fill out an economic hardship form. I'm also filing bankruptcy toward the middle of the month. You really confuse me sometimes, so I don't always know where you stand.
Right now, my opposition feels like people who are both hardcore atheists and hardcore against conservatives. If any shit goes down, these same people are most likely to cry and bitch and point the finger at homicidal behavior. I can't help but be angry at some pigs who fail to see their own severe inhumanity that would do whatever they could to stay in charge.
It's another emo day for me. This emo ness is not really about Mo or sexual harassment towards me with Beatiality. It is about the overall relentlesness of people wanting me to call them God or for me to commit suicide. I think if some people were asked, they'd say, "You know, because I can, I would rape and harass you anytime I want. Yes, I think I deserve to live like a pig because I simply can."
Yes, I'm still the same cheesy musical and maybe even obnoxious guru.
There is a James Blunt song I like but can't find now
Another one I like is actually an optimistic emo song
Monday, February 7, 2011
Post Superbowl Day
Last Year, I spent superbowl at work. This year, I had the day off and I spent it at the Outdoor Club in my hometown. I really was not aware that the celebration was a private party probably for just the members of the club, but someone was kind and thoughtful enough to give me a free ticket for the buffet and even free drinks. I felt a little bad, but accepted their generosity. I really was going to pay for my own food and drinks, but it worked out.
Anyway, some commercials I laughed at. The football game itself was both entertaining and boring. It was a long show. I think it started at 6 and went to about 10. Its a pretty long show.
I'm a little uncertain about a couple of things. I'm not sure if there were some signs that were meant to be signs of secrets and mystery, or if I should assume anything at all with any particular person.
After getting around a little bit some things are more obvious and known than others. I have recently learned a little more about the leaders of England, and Sarah Fergeson being a previous Dutchess AKA Fergie. As I do with everything else, I deny some things of myself in relation to her:
However, there are a few songs of hers that I still really like. Lady lumps is one that is fun to dance to. I like one of her newest ones with Slash. Disappointingly, people were laughing during her superbowl performance when the Black Eyed Peas sang: "Where is the love?" I took a drink to it, but I really was bothered when people started laughing at the song. It sounds a little cheesy, but its a song that I am honestly feeling now. My most recent bitchfest has been against Borat which seems that most of the male population follow after. And endless black sheep fueds and victimizations of self righteous contests that follow. So sick of suffering fueds with no ground and lies. People are so competitive with "It's not me its you." Relentlessly competitive.
Nobody likes to be the badman. There are few people that bite the bullet for being the bad man. Fred Durst bites it and sings of how it feels to be the bad man while others are shameless:
But to stay on the subject, most signs I see around me are concerning wealth. I'll continue to say where I stand: I do not have to be a ridiculously wealthy person. At the same time, I don't want to be poor either. I think people can be very narrow minded with this thought as a whole. I'm comfortable in the middle class. I'd dream to be in the upper middle class or lower higher class. I don't know if I could handle being in the higher high class. Anyway. Issue of greed is always an issue with a number of people.
I simply want to be comfortably well off. I have never wanted to be harmful to other people to feed greed and be wealthy in life.
Some of my recent pains has been dealing with issues of wealth: Having a voice where it is heard and taken for its word. Dealing with oppression altogether. Being limited and further stereotyped in the oppression for being poor. When I read the book, "The working poor," it really gave me an emotional wake up. I wish I had more solutions to the problem, but it really woke me up with the entire reality, oppression, and suffering of it all. I could be seen as being in the middle class, but I know my reality for what it is and do not wish to elaborate my reality right now.
Speaking of being poor, while Black Eyed Peas were around for the superbowl, I saw a couple of Kanye look alikes. I don't know if it was a sign to runaway (where in the world do I have to run?) because of a possible hint of being involved with slave labor to have to be Fergie's foodstamp or representative. No, I represent myself.
Capitalism will always be confusing, but I will not be a victim of slave labor or sexual swinging sex labor. Even when it is involved in capitalism that is more closer and someway helping to myself.
I just don't think it is fair for some people to have to constantly be enduring. So if there was any song of relation to matters of wealth, I scratch Fergie's "Glamourous," and like Matchbox 20s song better:
Anyway, some commercials I laughed at. The football game itself was both entertaining and boring. It was a long show. I think it started at 6 and went to about 10. Its a pretty long show.
I'm a little uncertain about a couple of things. I'm not sure if there were some signs that were meant to be signs of secrets and mystery, or if I should assume anything at all with any particular person.
After getting around a little bit some things are more obvious and known than others. I have recently learned a little more about the leaders of England, and Sarah Fergeson being a previous Dutchess AKA Fergie. As I do with everything else, I deny some things of myself in relation to her:
However, there are a few songs of hers that I still really like. Lady lumps is one that is fun to dance to. I like one of her newest ones with Slash. Disappointingly, people were laughing during her superbowl performance when the Black Eyed Peas sang: "Where is the love?" I took a drink to it, but I really was bothered when people started laughing at the song. It sounds a little cheesy, but its a song that I am honestly feeling now. My most recent bitchfest has been against Borat which seems that most of the male population follow after. And endless black sheep fueds and victimizations of self righteous contests that follow. So sick of suffering fueds with no ground and lies. People are so competitive with "It's not me its you." Relentlessly competitive.
Nobody likes to be the badman. There are few people that bite the bullet for being the bad man. Fred Durst bites it and sings of how it feels to be the bad man while others are shameless:
But to stay on the subject, most signs I see around me are concerning wealth. I'll continue to say where I stand: I do not have to be a ridiculously wealthy person. At the same time, I don't want to be poor either. I think people can be very narrow minded with this thought as a whole. I'm comfortable in the middle class. I'd dream to be in the upper middle class or lower higher class. I don't know if I could handle being in the higher high class. Anyway. Issue of greed is always an issue with a number of people.
I simply want to be comfortably well off. I have never wanted to be harmful to other people to feed greed and be wealthy in life.
Some of my recent pains has been dealing with issues of wealth: Having a voice where it is heard and taken for its word. Dealing with oppression altogether. Being limited and further stereotyped in the oppression for being poor. When I read the book, "The working poor," it really gave me an emotional wake up. I wish I had more solutions to the problem, but it really woke me up with the entire reality, oppression, and suffering of it all. I could be seen as being in the middle class, but I know my reality for what it is and do not wish to elaborate my reality right now.
Speaking of being poor, while Black Eyed Peas were around for the superbowl, I saw a couple of Kanye look alikes. I don't know if it was a sign to runaway (where in the world do I have to run?) because of a possible hint of being involved with slave labor to have to be Fergie's foodstamp or representative. No, I represent myself.
Capitalism will always be confusing, but I will not be a victim of slave labor or sexual swinging sex labor. Even when it is involved in capitalism that is more closer and someway helping to myself.
I just don't think it is fair for some people to have to constantly be enduring. So if there was any song of relation to matters of wealth, I scratch Fergie's "Glamourous," and like Matchbox 20s song better:
Thursday, February 3, 2011
A lot done
The things is, one part of winter I hate is the coldness. It really is an issue when it comes to getting around. I feel like I have been sitting most of the day. Well, I went to a couple of places and worked out on the eliptical for at least a half an hour. But, mostly, I have been sitting all day. I at least have been productive.
I finally went around to the library and got some books.
I finished some more craft projects.
I got some ice cream
I did some online work and browsing. Not as much online work as I'd like, but I got a few chores out of the way. Still more to come. Always a to do list of things to get done.
I've been thinking about my reputation a little....My slutty reputation. Besides media cats and things that happen internationally through their own systems, there are a lot of things I am uncomfortable with. I don't watch every single tv show. I don't watch every single movie. I'm not in all of the gossip circles, and there have been numerous exploitations that were never my permission and that I will always be bitter, angry, and homicidal over. Not issue with person, but issue with privacy and entitlement of others. People continue to push arrogance further by saying, "Oh you need our attention and approval to really be the factor of what betters your self esteem." Like I tell my sister, I tell plenty of other people, there will be the perfectly right person that one day will come and slap the arrogance right out of you. I hope that time comes soon. I'm fed up with arrogance and codependence.
In another thought.... I do not like being seen as one of the biggest sluts. I really don't. Believe it or not, I want to be married one day. Until that day; I'm very uncomfortable with a swinging lifestyle. I'm also uncomfortable as being labeled as such a super slut, but not a regular average slut. Slut sounds like such a bad word. It's not a big deal. I'm sure there are more "classy" words I could use, but really other than it being a term or word, it really doesn't change the entire story or reality. And to annoyingly keep reminding, my sex stories really aren't anyone's business even though I may sometimes share a few at my spontaneous leisure.
I wish I had more non digital friends that I could meet and chat with in person. For now, life is busy, complicated, and non digital friends seem harder to come by these days.
Nonetheless, I still didn't mind being on my own today.
Plenty of unanswered questions. Patience patience patience.......
At the end of the day, I'm going to watch a movie. Going to do that soon.
It feels great to have a day off. I've been picking up a lot of overtime, I forgot the luxury of a simple day off. (Still working on small business with crafts).
I finally went around to the library and got some books.
I finished some more craft projects.
I got some ice cream
I did some online work and browsing. Not as much online work as I'd like, but I got a few chores out of the way. Still more to come. Always a to do list of things to get done.
I've been thinking about my reputation a little....My slutty reputation. Besides media cats and things that happen internationally through their own systems, there are a lot of things I am uncomfortable with. I don't watch every single tv show. I don't watch every single movie. I'm not in all of the gossip circles, and there have been numerous exploitations that were never my permission and that I will always be bitter, angry, and homicidal over. Not issue with person, but issue with privacy and entitlement of others. People continue to push arrogance further by saying, "Oh you need our attention and approval to really be the factor of what betters your self esteem." Like I tell my sister, I tell plenty of other people, there will be the perfectly right person that one day will come and slap the arrogance right out of you. I hope that time comes soon. I'm fed up with arrogance and codependence.
In another thought.... I do not like being seen as one of the biggest sluts. I really don't. Believe it or not, I want to be married one day. Until that day; I'm very uncomfortable with a swinging lifestyle. I'm also uncomfortable as being labeled as such a super slut, but not a regular average slut. Slut sounds like such a bad word. It's not a big deal. I'm sure there are more "classy" words I could use, but really other than it being a term or word, it really doesn't change the entire story or reality. And to annoyingly keep reminding, my sex stories really aren't anyone's business even though I may sometimes share a few at my spontaneous leisure.
I wish I had more non digital friends that I could meet and chat with in person. For now, life is busy, complicated, and non digital friends seem harder to come by these days.
Nonetheless, I still didn't mind being on my own today.
Plenty of unanswered questions. Patience patience patience.......
At the end of the day, I'm going to watch a movie. Going to do that soon.
It feels great to have a day off. I've been picking up a lot of overtime, I forgot the luxury of a simple day off. (Still working on small business with crafts).
Saturday, December 25, 2010
Christmas Day
I did get some presents afterall.
I am and am not surprised.
I still want to be vague about my family's negative drama, but one thing I have to say is, I have to give a slight smile that my parents are being cute and bought a Wii nintendo system.
I don't know what my sister got. I slept during the official present giving time, but got my presents later.
But, I don't mind being a Scrooge or a Grinch this year. It has been rough, so I feel no guilt in being a bitch.
One positive thing though was that I finally got around to resetting my facebook password. I logged on since what has been months and caught up with an old college friend a little. I can't help but be jealous sometimes when I see how well some of my colleagues are going. I repress my feelings about it until a later day......
The guy I am dating hasn't called me yet yesterday or today. I'm a little upset. Time will eventually tell, but I really hope to hear from him.
I don't really have a lot to share today, or a whole lot on my mind. I just feel like being more than normal laid back and relaxed today.
I am and am not surprised.
I still want to be vague about my family's negative drama, but one thing I have to say is, I have to give a slight smile that my parents are being cute and bought a Wii nintendo system.
I don't know what my sister got. I slept during the official present giving time, but got my presents later.
But, I don't mind being a Scrooge or a Grinch this year. It has been rough, so I feel no guilt in being a bitch.
One positive thing though was that I finally got around to resetting my facebook password. I logged on since what has been months and caught up with an old college friend a little. I can't help but be jealous sometimes when I see how well some of my colleagues are going. I repress my feelings about it until a later day......
The guy I am dating hasn't called me yet yesterday or today. I'm a little upset. Time will eventually tell, but I really hope to hear from him.
I don't really have a lot to share today, or a whole lot on my mind. I just feel like being more than normal laid back and relaxed today.
Sunday, December 12, 2010
What a love life
Right now, I think there are so many hidden agendas going on of people trying to prove themselves it makes things more blurry because of manipulations.
The cattiness is already out there. I'll have some kind of say within the obviousness, but still try to be discreet at the same time. Sometimes, I think it is necessary to be a little expressive and non secretive about things. It is really what I decide to say despite other judgement.
I had fun last night, and it is already getting frustrating with the love life. People will always be critical and whatever of relationships. It is the reason why I like to be secretive with a guy when I first meet him. I like things to be established between the two of us and get to know each other personally before anyone tries to ruin relationships that I take interest in. We're both capable of making our own choices.
In other thoughts, I don't like being put on the spot with major choices so soon. It does not necessarily mean I am rejecting in anyway; it just means I'm not ready to make such a quick or sudden choice.
I am once again a little confused amongst cattiness. The Burmuda just gets too confusing sometimes.
The guy I'm seeing may have a hidden agenda to hurt me or try to push me in a label. We already both see how aggressive I am despite some things. I have also noticed a comforting companionship he can give. So, this kind of contradicts other thoughts of him being out to get me or try to ruin me in some way.
I think some media cats are cute and I smile at him. Other cats, I'm not sure how to take yet.
I did have a good time with him last night.
I don't quite understand everything that is going on in his world or how he feels about everything, but if things work out I still want to take my time with him and hopefully enjoy ourselves.
There are thoughts that I won't say much about for now. I have my own reasons.
I really don't care what people think, I'm going to do what I want to do anyway.
A cat that I have to acknowledge:
http://www.mmafighting.com/2010/12/12/georges-st-pierre-routs-koscheck-post-fight-talk-turns-to-ande/?icid=maing%7Cmain5%7C4%7Clink3%7C30663
With other catty connections, I'm pretty confused with who pierre may be in my world, but I'm appreciative of him.
I don't always like violence or fighting. In this case, with how messed up my life is; patterns I notice; and things that are still used against me to this day, I am happy about it. I think there has been enough drama and stuff going on where it is definitely due and reasonable to have a fight like this.
But with other cats I see, I'm unsure of the motive, or who he may be doing it for.
Nonetheless, I give Pierre a lot of kudos.
The cattiness is already out there. I'll have some kind of say within the obviousness, but still try to be discreet at the same time. Sometimes, I think it is necessary to be a little expressive and non secretive about things. It is really what I decide to say despite other judgement.
I had fun last night, and it is already getting frustrating with the love life. People will always be critical and whatever of relationships. It is the reason why I like to be secretive with a guy when I first meet him. I like things to be established between the two of us and get to know each other personally before anyone tries to ruin relationships that I take interest in. We're both capable of making our own choices.
In other thoughts, I don't like being put on the spot with major choices so soon. It does not necessarily mean I am rejecting in anyway; it just means I'm not ready to make such a quick or sudden choice.
I am once again a little confused amongst cattiness. The Burmuda just gets too confusing sometimes.
The guy I'm seeing may have a hidden agenda to hurt me or try to push me in a label. We already both see how aggressive I am despite some things. I have also noticed a comforting companionship he can give. So, this kind of contradicts other thoughts of him being out to get me or try to ruin me in some way.
I think some media cats are cute and I smile at him. Other cats, I'm not sure how to take yet.
I did have a good time with him last night.
I don't quite understand everything that is going on in his world or how he feels about everything, but if things work out I still want to take my time with him and hopefully enjoy ourselves.
There are thoughts that I won't say much about for now. I have my own reasons.
I really don't care what people think, I'm going to do what I want to do anyway.
A cat that I have to acknowledge:
http://www.mmafighting.com/2010/12/12/georges-st-pierre-routs-koscheck-post-fight-talk-turns-to-ande/?icid=maing%7Cmain5%7C4%7Clink3%7C30663
With other catty connections, I'm pretty confused with who pierre may be in my world, but I'm appreciative of him.
I don't always like violence or fighting. In this case, with how messed up my life is; patterns I notice; and things that are still used against me to this day, I am happy about it. I think there has been enough drama and stuff going on where it is definitely due and reasonable to have a fight like this.
But with other cats I see, I'm unsure of the motive, or who he may be doing it for.
Nonetheless, I give Pierre a lot of kudos.
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