As the Sarah Turns

Goofy title, but I really am on a serious note.
I question if years ago before I went insane and went to the hospital, that I may be having past info that is somehow storylined to the present. I really do not know what to make of some people sometimes.
I have some doubts if anything is being directed at me at all. The girl who played the leading role as the lover reminded me moreso of Lindsay Lohan. To put my personal soap to the side for now; the ending made me cry anyway.
The movie had its own interesting things about it.
I think there were a few hints to pick up on. Sometimes with info, it chaotically feels like a scavenger hunt. The love story was sad and it was even more sad at the ending at where his body and condition really was and how the movie ended in entirety. I didn't get the sci fi of it all in the afterlife. If he wanted to be a hero and save the train how is it possible that he is supposedly surviving among what is supposed to be real life survivors? I just didn't get how reality and fantasy and military mission all concluded itself? It was so sad though.
I was surprised to see on the weekend that there was hardly anybody there. Maybe there is a Romania strike, or maybe the movie was deceptively sold out because I could be a danger to the public and I am top secret information. lol. Oh it never makes sense to laugh anymore with the world I live in with my personal anger and insanity.
Back to the soap opera. I remain confused with the Burmuda of it all. One hint of Jared being a jumper and giving me a very short and brief piece of info about some drama before I saw the movie, is something I'm going to be quiet about because I really don't know enough. No details.
I know how bad it looks on me to doubt love, but I'm not one who has ever been very good at playing naive. I just don't. There are times that I don't want to know and just appreciate whatever time I have. There are other times that I don't mind at all to know and I would rather live through drama and heartache than to live through a lie or deceptive and fake relationship. I think the reason I am single is because of my hate of the game. Relationships just aren't ABC to me. I try anyway.
I still care about Dane. I'm still confused in his Burmuda.
I still care about Jared too. His Hurricane is undeniably intense and serious. He could be a rep of someone random and be on a total different page in a total different world with the song. But, I would doubt he would have such a serious lie like that out there were there is a hard directive of where I feel I'm definitely being looked at. I've picked up on other signals. He really isn't in my life much. He is busy on the road and doing his shows. It isn't that I don't care about Jared. I see it as a big deal that he would make that song. I'm always paranoid that I may be among other competition who feels the same way I do. Could be another multiple texter.
I can't deny Dane either. While he isn't physically in my life either, he seems he has been around longer but not always on a clear level. I've already written blogs and letters to him. At the days end; I don't have a lot of other things to say.
I said I would try to follow Jared and pay attention to him but he seems too busy for me.
I also told Dane that it feels like a confusing Burmuda with him as well but has more command and control.
It would be a loss and sad pain to have to lose either of them.
I feel more accountable (I wish I could figure out a better word) to Dane than Jared. I feel closer

I make no serious commitments.
I have Serious: feelings thoughts comments
Nothing written in stone or cemented.